An Authentic Handshake

We were running a bit low on water and other groceries, so decided to go to the store and pick up a few things.

After getting the groceries, I came back home and saw that Jen had a pile of books on the kitchen table ready to go back to the library.

I offered to take them so I could get out once more.

This time, I took our jeep as it doesn’t get much attention these days.

I loaded the books and was off.

Once at the library, I returned the books, then began the walk back towards the jeep.

The library is an old four story mill that sits on a beautiful pond (that exits into a nearby lake) with a small dam that was used when the library was a mill.

On the opposite side of the library, there’s a beautifully landscaped area with a gazebo and other wooden structures.  The atmosphere there is very welcoming because of the sound of the water falling from the dam.

As I was headed back to the jeep, I noticed and older woman walking out of the library towards a park bench which, sat just a few feet away from the pond.

For some reason, I felt the urge to walk over and spark up a conversation.

Again, like the grocery store story with the man who lost his wallet, there was a strange energy and desire to create a connection with this woman.

Maybe I wast just trying to find an excuse to get out of the studio and take a break from my writing, or maybe I just wanted to hear someone else’s story for a change.

Regardless, I made the choice to talk to her, so I walked over and sat next to her.

As I sat down, I smiled and asked her what she was reading.

“Oh, nothing.” She replied, as she showed me a brochure she had in her hands.

“Not that one.” I said. “The other one.”

I then pointed to the thick hardcover book she had resting on the park bench towards her right.

She was reading The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt.

She explained that it was part of her book club, then showed me the book mark placed only halfway through its many pages.

“It’s not been easy to get through.” She said with a smile.

As we sat there staring at the pond, an enormous fish kept jumping and making a huge splash.

“I should have brought my fishing pole.” I said jokingly.

We continued talking.

I told her about the Patricia Cornwell book I read up at the cabin last summer, (Cause of Death) then about some of the other books I was reading.

She joked about how “Those books certainly aren’t for me.” as they were based on time travel, psychology and survival.

Our discussions continued around books, then moved to our own lives.  She then asked me where I lived. I told her I was about ten miles west of where we were.  She wasn’t familiar with the area.

Then she asked me where I was from.

That’s when the conversation changed dramatically.

It turns out there were several connections between why she was there, and even between the two of us.

1. She didn’t live there, she lived in a city (Northville MI) which was almost an hour south of where we were.  And, she was there to support an ill friend who needed someone to take her to her doctor.
2. Northville was the same city Jen and I got together for the first time to play volleyball, but it was cancelled due to an antique show occupying the gym.That was the night we realized who each other truly was. (The story of how we met, I’m sure I’ve shared several times in the past.)
3. Northville is almost 30 minutes south of where I lived as a child.
4. It turns out that she lived no more than a mile from where I grew up.
5. She knew Jen’s father, my father, and was good friends with my high school science teacher.

She was also a teacher and knew almost all of the teachers and/or principals of the schools I went to since I was a child.

It was simply amazing that two people who were so far from their original homes, would meet like this.

We continued talking for more than 30 minutes and by the time I left, we knew everything about the last 40 years of each other’s lives.

I then told her it was a pleasure talking with her and got up to leave.

As I did, she reached out her hand to shake mine.

That’s when I knew it was all worth it.

You see, there’s several ways to shake someone’s hand, and each way tells a lot about that person.  In fact, the way we tell our stories, there’s patterns that let us know if the other person is telling the truth or not.  It’s so easy to lie, even when we don’t want to.  But when the answers come short and to the point, the truth isn’t far behind.

Here’s what I know about handshakes.

1. If you put your hand over their’s, (Palm side down) it shows dominance.  I see a lot of business people shake hands like this and it’s always made me aware of their “Alpha’ness”.  In fact, it can even be a sign of disrespect if used on the wrong person. (Like me)
2. You can put your hand out palm up, which, is the way most men shake the hands of women.  (In my opinion)
   This is the way I shake most people’s hands when greeting them as strangers.  For me, this shows respect as it’s more of an embrace than a handshake.  Sure, I still produce a firm grip, but I feel it’s an important gesture to show that I’m open, willing to give you a chance, and that I’m not a threat.
3. Then there’s the even handshake.  This is the normal handshake where both hands are even, and is the most common in my experience.  This kind of handshake to me, is the one that can turn into a wrestling match if both people produce too firm of a grip.
4. Finally, there’s the handshake that is palm side up, (like the second one in this list) but while cupping the other person’s hand with both of yours. This is the one I use to show I truly care for someone and I want them to know it.  It’s like throwing your arms around them, but with your hands. (It is also how I held Jen’s Mother’s hand the day she passed.)

This, is the way the woman shook my hand.

It was authentic, and it made me feel as though I didn’t make a mistake by approaching a complete stranger.

If someone takes the time and energy to embrace your hand like this, they truly care for you.

And when she did this for me, I knew in that instant, we had given each other a story worth telling.

REFLECTION

Pay attention and fear not what lies ahead.

There’s always something (or someone) new to learn from that can make your life more fulfilling.

Image by david pacey

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