Regaining The Lost
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Note: There is a presentation with slides based on the topic Automatic Negative Processing (ANP) on the bottom of this page. Please see the Tessera Disclaimer (HERE) before listening or downloading.
Regaining From Lost
Diary March 14th
It’s been three weeks since we moved out of our home and in with Janet’s mother. I never thought we’d be in this position.
Less than twenty four months ago I thought we would be millionaires. We put in the work, made all the right moves, and then just like that.
It’s all gone.
I worry about my children more than anything. Sure, they’re still young and love being with grandma, but the embarrassment of having to be here, it’s unbearable.
I don’t know who to blame, but I am so angry. The way the world has treated us makes me shake my head and clench my teeth.
Sure, everyone loved me when I was making money, making a difference. They’d come over to our beautiful house, compliment us, tells us how much they envied us. Now looking back, they were probably happy to see me fall.
Yes, we were doing well, better than most.
But it’s all gone now. The foreclosure notice on the house and the phone ringing off the hook with debt collectors was the worst part. I never imagined it would be so demeaning.
I’ve been sleeping more than I should too, I just don’t know which way to go. There’s no job that’s going to make us money fast enough to get out of here.
And, to make things worse, I can tell Janet’s mother, although she loves the company, needs her space.
I wish I knew what to do, I’m at my wits end.
Diary April 8th
It’s been almost a month since my last entry. Today wasn’t any better than yesterday, I’m still struggling. I can tell both Janet and her mother are looking towards me for answers.
I still don’t have them.
Diary April 9th
Today was horrific. I tried to get a job and was turned down. I can’t believe it. The owner even interviewed me. He said the work may be too hard for me because of my age, and that he was looking for someone younger.
He said that right to my face and smiled.
I’ve worked so hard, have done so much to get where I was, and now I can’t even get a job at a shitty home improvement store.
Diary April 25th
Still no work.
Last night Janet pulled me aside and we had a long talk about what to do. She made it clear we need to get out of her mother’s house, (which I already know for crying out loud) and that we need to do something right away.
But she was very empathetic to me. I could tell she didn’t want to have the conversation.
It was late, around 11PM as we sat in the kitchen and talked.
I could tell she was uncomfortable and out of answers herself, but she said that she heard about something that may help. She told me that she listened to some guy talk on some new age show about when we’re most desperate, that’s when you push people away.
I’m not into that whole law of attraction BS, but what she was saying made sense.
She said it was pronounced ANP or (Automatic Negative Processing) as the guy talking labeled it.
Basically it means that if you’re experiencing a discomfort, that discomfort becomes like an addiction that your mind can’t run away from. In my case, it’s the worry of never getting out of here.
I guess it made sense, but she then said something that really got me.
“The key to moving away from ANP is to surrender to it.”
This really got me thinking. It’s been the better part of three months since we’ve been here, since we lost everything, and all I’ve thought about is how shitty I feel. I mean, I’m supposed to be the breadwinner, not the charity case.
Anyway, it was so difficult emotionally to see her try so hard to support me. I know that she is trying everything she can. I also know that she doesn’t blame me, but it doesn’t matter. That doesn’t change how I feel about myself.
I don’t know, maybe she’s onto something, or maybe it’s just more of that new age bullshit that gets you nowhere and takes your money in the process.
Diary May 16th
Today was another horrible day. Janet’s mother told us she was struggling to support us and the kids. She said she loved having us here, but if I can’t find a job soon we were going to have to go somewhere else.
This was the last damn thing I needed to hear.
At first I was angry, but I understand. She’s worked hard her whole life, lost her husband, and now has to deal with her only daughter and loser husband.
I pray this will end soon, but not only is every job opportunity I approach turning me down, it’s getting harder and harder to sleep at night.
Diary May 21st
Janet approached me again with the audio of that Tessera guy that she listened to back in April.
I finally gave in and listened to it.
At first he sounded arrogant as he was talking so fast, but I stuck it out for Janet. The more he talked, the more it wasn’t about liking him, but it was more about the fact that I felt he was talking about me.
During his talk he shared how at one point he too, was in the same position we’re in now. He was into real estate and lost everything. But he didn’t blame the economy, or anyone else for that matter.
Instead, he blamed his lack for seeing his true calling as a composer and a writer. He blamed the fact that his vision was only for himself, and his true work for others was continually being put on hold for his own self-interest.
Man that hit home hard.
He then talked about a place he would go when things got really bad. It was called Tessera. That part blew me away. It made little sense, but for just a split second, just hearing the word gave me some peace.
It’s been so long since I’ve felt that.
He then shared the philosophy of ANP or automatic negative processing, which is the part Janet talked about back in April. OMG! At that point I got it!
I wish I would have listened to her when she tried to help me back then. I was just so caught up in myself.
Basically what’s been happening with my own ANP, is that I’ve been so worried about myself and my family, that I haven’t been able to put anyone before me.
I’ve been so stressed out, so depressed because of my failures, that I’ve been in full time survival mode. And, when you’re living in full time survival, you basically have nothing to offer anyone else because you’re working so hard on fixing YOUR problems.
So, I’m taking his advice and trying a technique he shared during his talk.
Diary May 22nd
WOW! I tried the technique last night. Basically it’s tricking the brain out of its ANP. What you do, is simply lay down before bed and ask yourself an impossible question.
What it does is takes the mind away from its own story.
The one he shared on the audio was something he learned as a Zen question.
You get ready for bed, relax, then ask yourself this and close your eyes.
“Show me something I’ve never seen, with a sense I’ve never used.”
OMG when I did that, I was instantly aware. I mean, I can’t quite explain it, but I was in such an incredible place. My body felt like it was floating. I could still hear everything around me, but my mind was CLEAR for the first time in FOREVER!
Thank you Janet!
Diary May 23rd
I wish I could tell you I don’t believe in miracles, but the most amazing thing happened today.
After waking up early in the morning to go to the bathroom, I tried the ANP technique again and then went back to sleep.
Instantly I could feel my body go limp, but my mind was still wide awake.
At first I was jolted a bit as I thought I heard voices. Then I just went with it and began to hear the ocean, just like the time we took the trip to Florida.
Within seconds I was out. Or at least, my body was. My mind seemed to want to continue to be there, so things got pretty lucid.
When I woke up, I remembered the entire dream so vividly.
I was standing on the beach, watching the waves come in, when I noticed something on the shore.
I walked over to see what it was, and it looked like a dark line in the shape of a heart. As I got closer, I realized it was a bunch of rose petals all lined up in a row.
I bent over and picked one up and can even remember the smell. I also remember being confused, or aware of the absurdity of the dream. That’s how real it was.
Anyway, that’s not the part that is so mind blowing.
After breakfast, (I’m not sure why) I decided to call my old friend Tom to tell him about the Tessera thing and the dream I had.
We haven’t talked in several months as I didn’t know how to communicate my financial issues. I kind of closed myself off, so it wasn’t his fault.
At first he sounded glad to hear from me. But as I talked more about the dream, he became very quiet.
I had to finally stop and ask him if something was wrong.
He told me that he was about to launch on online consulting firm that supported local business owners and helped them understand their clients better. Kind of like virtual support for their staff and management, but more personal (and all digital) so it was easier to connect with their customers.
He then continued to say he had no idea how to approach the local businesses and was considering hiring a firm to do it, but didn’t have the money.
And here’s where things got really crazy.
The reason he was so silent when I was talking about my dream, is that the name of his company is Oceanside Rose.
I almost fell out of my chair when he told me that!
Anyway, we’re getting together over coffee tomorrow because of our conversation.
Tom said it was fate, and he was buying.
Diary May 24th
Tom and I had an absolutely amazing meeting.
We talked for almost three hours about how to help businesses serve their customers.
He had some amazing ideas and that’s when the discussion of ANP came up.
I shared what I had learned from Janet about Tessera and told Tom I knew how much people are hurting and what keeps them stuck.
For the first time in my life, my pain had become my advantage.
He asked me if I still did sales like I did for my own company, and if I’d be interested in leading a sales team for his new business.
I am now employed!!!!!
I can’t believe it!
A simple lesson, one strange dream, and I’m employed again!
Diary May 27th
Tom and I began working together today and it was simply amazing. I believe so strongly in his mission that I put together an entire proposal for reaching out to local businesses to support his message.
After only a few hours, we finalized my contract and he gave me an up-front fee as a retainer for my consulting.
I cannot tell you how happy I am, this is the first time in months I’m bringing money home to my wife and children.
I can barely type through the tears right now.
Diary July 26th
It’s been a while, but I’ve been so busy. The business with Tom has simply exploded. The last month has landed us over 17 new clients, each paying a small monthly fee (which I get a cut of) and they’re telling all their friends about us.
What’s even more important, is that Janet and I almost have enough money to move out of her mother’s house. And yes, her mother’s attitude towards me has changed.
I cannot wait to start looking for a new home for my family!
Diary September 7th
Today is the big day. I am writing this entry in our new home.
I almost can’t believe it.
It’s a rental, but it’s beautiful and has lots of land.
I cannot thank Janet enough for exposing me to the lessons of Tessera. I am now following Adam’s work and have learned lots of new things about myself. The coolest thing I’ve learned, is how to understand and empathize with people.
I do this by pulling them into my very own Tessera and seeing from their perspective. It’s kind of hard to explain, but basically I’m becoming them, and it helps me to see their point of view much better.
Because of this, I met a new client today who was about to file bankruptcy and close her business when I shared the ANP talk with her. It was like a spark of light entered her eyes right before me.
I can’t way to see where this all leads.
Anyway, for now it’s time to spend my first night in our new house, knowing that the bills are covered and always will be.
Replay is coming soon! (You can download the slide below and follow the audio)