Twin Opposites

Adam King

Thea,
Without knowing your situation, I can only express what the card means to me. I hope this helps, so please read between the lines for your own circumstances.

When faced with a challenge, especially from another person, organization, or group, I ask a very incongruent question.

“What can I give to the other party that will help strengthen their argument against me?”

This is what allows me to truly see what’s against me and, where their ignorance (if any) truly lies. For example. I once did a call where someone from another country told my interviewer that it was because of people like me that Obama was president, and that children in NY were being raped by their parents. Insane right?

Well, I asked the “How can I support their claim” question, and here’s what I came up with.

First, and most obvious, there was no need to defend myself because the claim was absolutely ridiculous. Regardless, they were still making it and it was causing a stir as an American trying to sell a product to people outside of the US. Next, I stepped into their shoes and almost instantly realized that they simply hated Americans. Not because of me personally, but because of Americans fortunate place in society. In short, this person was upset, and maybe even jealous based on their own hardships, which absolutely made sense and was arguable on their account.

You see, when people from a group feel less fortunate, they will have no problem attacking others who are fortunate, or are in a place of power, i.e. a better place them themselves. And, especially, if that person (as I was/am) is an outsider to their own community, country, or culture.

So, I understood their argument to the point where I agreed “emotionally” with it.

My next step was to bring up my obvious shortcomings (which in this case was the fact that I simply had more opportunity than they did and/or took advantage of it by following my path.), then agreed with their suffering.

This is the part where you make what’s against you for you.

After agreeing with them (instead of rebutting their claim which will get you NOWHERE), I sympathized, so I could earn their trust. I mean, we are all on the same page, it’s just our story that makes it feel not so. The common goal we now both had, was the understanding of our own situations as individuals, based on our circumstances. In other words, I may be fortunate, but I’ve worked my ass off through all sorts of challenges to get where I’m at. So, I wasn’t going to blame or judge them, instead, I told them that I understood their position, but I also understood persecution, ill will, and false judgement.

Finally, I agreed with the corruption within all humans (not just our leaders), and that was why I did the work I did. (Tessera) I even went as far as to explain what it feels like to “be the bad guy”, and it wasn’t for me. Lastly, I shared that the people in power most likely didn’t see the corruption within their own hearts. In short, I was asking for forgiveness not just for myself, but also for the person condemning me, as well as the people they were comparing me to.

You see, I didn’t defend myself straight out, I simply took ownership of THEIR words, then turned it around to justify (acknowledge) their frustration, settle our differences, and place the attention to where it truly resided. (We all make false claims and there’s always a better way, place, or time, to express ourselves.)

If you are an outsider and all the sudden find yourself in a place of control, or powerl, you must acknowledge, with sincere humility, that you are a human being who makes mistakes too. Just keep in mind that humility can often seem like an apology better than actually saying your sorry.

And, a word of caution. Many times saying your sorry can also come across as a relinquishment of power. This is where we must draw the line when we are – sincerely – falsely judged. We don’t want to give up our power to ignorance, we want to understand our combatants, offer them acknowledgement, then turn the tables through agreement and empathy.

People simply want to be acknowledged, and that’s what this card is about. It’s about acknowledging people as their champion, not as someone better than them or more fortunate. There is no better service to offer than that. No matter who you are, where you came from, or how badly you screw up your responsibility, know that we are all one, and if we stick together, everyone wins.

Hope that helps.
Adam
PS I just wrote this on the fly without edits, so I may go back and change it later if it’s too confusing. If you’d like to talk on your personal situation, you have my email. I’d be glad to consult with you to help see you through.